The Great Escape !

So , the plan has been born - And the seed , like an unborn baby is starting to grow into a bigger plan and a wider adventure everyday. 
And let's see if it will be a 9 month human "pregnancy" or an giraffe or camel pregnancy - I know you're googling right now ! 
Hopefully not ! 

A travel adventure of a lifetime , or a lifetime travel adventure or let's say : Time to make my lifestyle - Just Travel. Is this possible I've asked myself so many times , what would I love to do permanently and earn money doing it ? 
We all have dreams to be doing that one dream job - and getting paid to do it . Don't get me wrong , I love what I do now , but always wanting to expand my horizons and learn new things -  a small little "hummingbird" tells me that the time is coming for complete change . 
From medical Microbiology , to studying wine (in more ways than one) Hotel management , Catering , art teaching and finally Developmental drama for children . Now what ?
If I reflect back on my life in the last 20 years - most of those years have been spent abroad away from South Africa -My last 6 years in one place was well, great ,amazing , life changing and somethings changed for the better and well we all now the rest of the story ...somethings had to end. 
With this I paid a price for my Freedom - and set my life on fire once again ! 

What is that thing that puts  FIRE  in our bellies? That makes your heart beat faster , that fills you with excitement , ideas , inspiration My fire  is  Travel -  everything about it - arriving in a new place - not knowing the language - not knowing where I am- exploring , watching and meeting the people - exploring the culture, eating the food .
It isn't always easy , travel  has long moments of solitude , living simply , constantly budgeting and longing for family and dearest friends, home comforts and soft places to be. 
But the rewards are endless and worth these moments of being "uncomfortable ". 

LIFE is INCREDIBLE..even in its moments of routine and mundanity - there is beauty , our day to day life is filled with incredible moments if we just see them . Some choose these moments in their day to day life and I choose mine , well in as many places as I can. 
Why would we not want to explore every inch of life , all the beauty of this planet, all the people of the planet. We are so lucky in this day in age to explore , have access to everywhere and anywhere ( well most places ) and we can dream it , because we can make it happen ! 

Nothing in my life or your life is perfect , but I strive to create something new ,  beautiful , free , away from the old paradigms and extending this journey I started 3 years ago . Travelling through Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam,Nepal,Tibet,Argentina,Bolivia,Peru has ignited my spirit and living and working in China , Beijing has made these dreams possible. As tough as living here can be it has created opportunity and been my safety nest as such . Thank you China . And of course Ive had the pleasure of Beijing, its food, its people and the amazing , amazing children ! 

So the safety net is slowly starting to disappear , a new cliff , another  Great leap and  where will I  land ? When ? 
Who Knows ? 

Small steps every day towards the big travel - setting my goals - planning , staying inspired : Closing my Eyes and Trusting ! 

Clear Skies , Coffee and Hutong Contemplation

In the unravelling of the last few months of my life - I've come to the conclusion that this unravelling is indeed a building of something new . 

I've learnt much about myself these last few months even after years of self-exploration , China has this effect of peeling the layers so painstakingly laid on by my conditioning. 

So another layer slips off ( Just wish it would slip off my thighs ! ) and seemingly thoughts that were impossible to navigate are now starting to find their North . 

Sigh ! A relief as I wander the Hutongs in the Autumn morning and revel at the life - the awakening of the morning, the simplicity of the old man on his chained down chair as he smokes contemplating his life. 

What makes us so different , so separate , culture?,life experience,male /female - Nothing - we are both just here trying to be present , be happy . 

Suddenly I need a cigarette - maybe the long drawn look of his face , the pursed lips holds some revelation - and maybe in that deep inhalation and the strong exhalation the answer is revealed. And there it is - the answer  in a puff of smoke - floating into the early morning air - disappearing slowly ! And then he spits as if rejecting the answer he just received. 

Across form his home is a cafe and I settle for a coffee instead of a cigarette - I watch them make artisan coffee -  Wow ! for all the tea in China - the concentration from two chinese men ! - brewing , weighing , steaming to produce a perfect cup of coffee. And it is perfect , delicious -  not tainted with sugar and soft pillows of foam ( yes, sorry  I am a flat white , cappuccino heathen) 

One thing one time - this a friend told me once - focus on one thing -one time. Is this where I constantly go wrong as my life consists of multitasking , multi managing, multi, multi - exhaustion. 

  

If I had to choose one thing - what would it be ? 

The journey to my divorce , the exorcism of my old life was the choice - the choice was to live . Right ? 

Is that one thing ? 

I wonder as I watch the man light another cigarette - One thing in and exhale -one thing  out 

I put my head out the window to smell the smoke - maybe there is an answer for me . 

What will I choose next ?   Maybe a  Voyage ! 

China -Its all in the cracking ! Internal Traveller

So this time an internal Travel post !


So since July it seems that the Universe and all the guiding forces have been conspiring to crack me wide open . But not in one foul swoop , no a slow , consistent tapping and then a breaking , sharp fragile edges against which Ive been leaning , pieces breaking and falling when I least expect it - bringing tears in public places , outbursts of rage and unrecognizable , irretrievable words streaming from my mouth .
Thank Buddha some pieces have broken off completely , disintegrated or simply disappeared and not too many were annihilated in the process - in fact no one was - just me - mostly old parts of myself. A merciful breaking - this time around !


July seems to be a time of breaking for me and yet after so many July's I still happen to question my sanity ,  my path and my  choices that  I've made and are making .  Really ??  , surely this pattern is evident through the years .
But when you are deep within your own internal chaos and navigating the dark corners trying to shine a flicker of light - when no one is around to hold a candle for you , light a match - darkness becomes your friend , sadness your boyfriend and you tend to dwell on the hard sofa of your soul watching the same movie over and over - RePEat !

Mars sits uncomfortably in Cancer in my chart , so July always brings the deep desired fleeing feeling - and in retrospect - many July's have brought me to new homes or new places.
This year I stayed in Beijing , in my apartment , in my room , in my head - which was possibly the worst space to to spend any length of time in.  Accompanied by the heat , pollution and 22 million people insanity was coursing through my blood and I kept reminding myself of the insanity lurking deep in my DNA. Was this it , the moment ? This is the end of my story ?
And then there it is - the mess is not so messy , a friend , a helping hand , a kindred spirit , a smile and I feel relieved as I connect and remove myself from my self created separateness .

So now finally as we sweep into October and the mild , forgiving , gentleness of Autumn I feel a clearing , a  new space created , Old paradigms broken down and new opportunities to grow riding on the morning air.
Autumns broom sweeps clean I dearly  hope or I'll just have to fly off on it - into new horizons ! But not quite ready to be on the road again - some rest , some respite and some nurturing is needed . There is a tiny new flame burning - in the belly - just a spark !
Time to  keep building on the dream of my life , write a new story as a new me starts emerging slowly letting the chains of all the old paradigms go - evolving into who knows what will be .
It does not really matter - does it ? Anywhere , everything , all knowing , all is right here , with me , in this moment - showing up .  Right now its perfect - Face to face - me , myself and China.

China is not quite done being my teacher - Damn !

Monsoon , Masala Chai , Moody rickshaw drivers ! - Kathmandu , Nepal

Little did I think I would be arriving here by Helicopter - a story unfolding in the plateau of the Tibetan plains amongst arguments and irritation all due to a massive landslide on the road from Kodari to Kathamandu. Was it worth the $250 price tag for a 30 minute flight - damn right it was !
Spectacular views across the Kathamandu valley  as we finally board a helicopter amidst many others stranded at the border. Tempers are flying high as some people have been waiting for more than 32 hours - not happy as the afternoon monsoon rain hits the mountains.
We arrive at a field , which doesn't belong to our helicopter , jump into another fiat ramshackle taxi as he takes us to the next helicopter pad further up in the mountains.
By now we are spending a lot of time people watching - we all want to get to Kathmandu - a funeral procession makes its way down to the river carrying the pyre wood, the air is thick with incense and the noise of helicopters arriving and leaving across the valley. Across the bridge into Nepal a hop ,skip and a jump and the change in atmosphere is incredible .Breathing the same air just tinged with incense , nepali food and all round chatter - two different worlds.

Finally Kathmandu and sleep - a small guesthouse called the Tibetan guest house, cheap and cheerful , white bed linen and a whole lot of noise rising from the street  . Familiar and unfamliar sounds of a new place .The afternoon monsoon hits as I lay there watching the rain pelt down with its sweet smell and determination. Bliss and beauty and peace.

Exploring explodes in a matter of minutes in the morning when there is so much vibrant energy everywhere , people,and more people,rickshaws,  dust , an assault on the senses as Kathmandu comes to life. I can't stop smiling - every place, city , country bringing experience to my heart in a different way. I step out into the road and I'm in love !

That thing called Wanderlust

So the last few days have been intense, full moon, eclipse, blood moon and the deep desire to flee or hide or even jump off a bridge. Somehow the "normality" of it all strikes you when you stop for a minute and observe the routine I have so quickly slipped into once again.
The mind is constantly rearranging , making sense , finding ways to safely categorize everything but not this time. This time the filing system seems to be a little messy, not sure where things need to go, which need to be safely filed away , addressed or completely be deleted.
Dongzhimen bridge is too low - I will seriously damage a car and then have to fork out a vast amount of RMB on top of a hospital bill.
For those of you that don't know me , I do occasionally suffer from deep futility - from what is the point ? What am I doing , and why am Im doing it here.
If I could keep traveling I would, but I need respite , rest , a cupboard , a bed and a cat - what for others is their day to day  lives is for me a sweet moment in time where I can dream once more of leaving.

So two days confined to my laptop , an empty apartment ( one flat mate is in Italy , the other well who knows where Little Fish is lurking) and I'm barely breathing under the severity of the travel bug .
Sharp and starving there is nothing to feed him , no endless exploration online can even for a moment appease the hunger . Starving the bug to death is impossible - this will kill us both .
And in the moments of searching Japan, Mongolia for  few scraps to feed the bug I stumble across and ex - work mate here from China and read his blog - I know I am not alone.
Somehow even though so many I know live with this same way of looking at the world I still know we feel alone in our quest for meaning . Don't get me wrong - it is a curse as well as a blessing.
Happiness is long found - it's the stare out the train window in Vietnam , eating Pho Ba for the first time in the streets of Saigon , the sunrise at Angkor wat , the deep orange of monk robes against the grey stone , the morning solstice mist at Macchu Picchu , the hot volcanic sand of Santorini, the devotional air of Varanasi , the cobbles stoned streets of Prague , the sweet smell of heather and  rain in the Scottish highlands  - this is my happiness.
China , Beijing right now you need to feed this bug - keep it happy , keep it alive - till we both head off for new adventures.
But will I have to slow down , stop -  feed the bug one cuisine - plans to relocate to Peru feel right , to build a home -stop - but will it be enough ?

What the Hell China !?

What the hell China - what is this strange love affair we have ?
Back in bustling Beijing after 6 months in the Southern hemisphere , jumping between South Africa and South America .

Beijing makes me smile despite the pollution , the noise, the traffic - a blue sky day and all is forgotten. An old lady smiles, a child happily singing , a man asleep in the bed in IKEA , the dancing ladies in Nan Guang- there is something deep and mysterious , something normal and familiar , something real and in your face about China.


Each day a new surprise - standing at Dongzhimen station and feeling the vibration through the sidewalk of the subway underneath whilst looking up and seeing birds inspect the first blossoms of spring.
Hello Kitty Balloons stuck in a tree and scraggly feral cats roaming the park and the parking lot near my apartment.

The couple walking their dog all three of them in blue coats , a wedding photo shoot on the steps of the crawfish restaurant , people eating , eating , Beijing is full, vibrant and the epitome of change.
Change , change - flowing naturally like a river.
Beijing such a beauty yet a beast !

Hello 2015 - still in Peru - Reflections of New years past

Peru - Well, I couldn't think of a more appropriate place to start my New Year. For me New years celebrations have always been an anticlimax - my last New year in Beijing , China was wild - good and also just a reminder how not to start a new year after all. Alcohol induced New years always bring disappointment unless its undertaken at a Dinner party or maybe not ?  The year before was spent with friends cooking , laughing and enjoying  in Greyton . The year before was spent in ceremony with ayahuasca and lent itself to a transformative year . So does how we enter our new year establish, like some of sort of unspoken spell, our path -our journey into the year ? Or is it just my own perception for my life - Possibly ! In reflection I see a pattern of how my New year celebration has influenced my coming year. Therefore I chose  to go consciously into 2015 - respecting that it is a celebration as well as a prayer for my life and what it will bring in the coming months.

This year I spent time early hours of new years morning up a mountain in the sacred valley, Peru  - stung by cacti , trodding a new path to a rocky outcrop I spotted from the road . Finally getting up there after a rather unsophisticated climb - I was rewarded with a beautiful view and a quiet , glorious sunrise. Peace - nice way to start my new year - outer peace -inner peace fighting the continuous chatter of my mind. But this beautiful valley and all its amazing vibration finally quietened down my mind and I felt at peace in my heart. For the blessings of 2014 - for my life - my path -and being right here in Peru. Gratitude.
Don't get me wrong - there has been a lot of frustration regarding trying to get flights back to Sa before I return to china etc etc - but right now I'm looking at the bigger picture !

Setting up a small altar on the rocky outcrop , combining blessings from my beloved Quanyin, Buddha and a traditional Inca blessing I spent awhile in meditation for my new year and then awhile in blessings for those I love - asking for kindness, compassion,abundance for all those near and dear to me.
Singing ( in my reallllly good singing voice ) I welcomed the sun into my new year and with it every song   I sang  - evoking beautiful memories of friends , family and new brothers and sisters Ive met along my path travelling through South America.
The words of Simone's song  below resonating so incredibly beautiful from the mountain top - albeit it not in her amazing voice - I feel the vibration of my connection with Africa and my heart family there.

My sister I see - your spirit in me
My brother I ask that in love we bask.

Ok, so now seeing how deep my path has become - my evolution of self - my overcoming of my fears, my strengthening of my compassion , my ability to stop judging ( still a big work in progress) and a deep, deep need to be of service.
How this will play out in the next year or so of my life is still not known for me.All I know is that its time to be more pro-active with service. I understand that my work is service in many ways - but Im feeling as humanity we have to do more to support each other. My life has been so indulgent in so many ways - and yes there is gratitude for that too , that Ive been able to create the resources , time to indulge.But now I'm feeling I need to create differently - how, when and where ? well that is still to unfold !

A humming bird visits me twice up the mountain - I am reminded of the message of this bird - JOY AND LIGHTNESS OF BEING - let this be my 2015 please !