In the unravelling of the last few months of my life - I've come to the conclusion that this unravelling is indeed a building of something new .
I've learnt much about myself these last few months even after years of self-exploration , China has this effect of peeling the layers so painstakingly laid on by my conditioning.
So another layer slips off ( Just wish it would slip off my thighs ! ) and seemingly thoughts that were impossible to navigate are now starting to find their North .
Sigh ! A relief as I wander the Hutongs in the Autumn morning and revel at the life - the awakening of the morning, the simplicity of the old man on his chained down chair as he smokes contemplating his life.
What makes us so different , so separate , culture?,life experience,male /female - Nothing - we are both just here trying to be present , be happy .
Suddenly I need a cigarette - maybe the long drawn look of his face , the pursed lips holds some revelation - and maybe in that deep inhalation and the strong exhalation the answer is revealed. And there it is - the answer in a puff of smoke - floating into the early morning air - disappearing slowly ! And then he spits as if rejecting the answer he just received.
Across form his home is a cafe and I settle for a coffee instead of a cigarette - I watch them make artisan coffee - Wow ! for all the tea in China - the concentration from two chinese men ! - brewing , weighing , steaming to produce a perfect cup of coffee. And it is perfect , delicious - not tainted with sugar and soft pillows of foam ( yes, sorry I am a flat white , cappuccino heathen)
One thing one time - this a friend told me once - focus on one thing -one time. Is this where I constantly go wrong as my life consists of multitasking , multi managing, multi, multi - exhaustion.
If I had to choose one thing - what would it be ?
The journey to my divorce , the exorcism of my old life was the choice - the choice was to live . Right ?
Is that one thing ?
I wonder as I watch the man light another cigarette - One thing in and exhale -one thing out
I put my head out the window to smell the smoke - maybe there is an answer for me .
What will I choose next ? Maybe a Voyage !
