Tuesday, 7 April 2015

That thing called Wanderlust

So the last few days have been intense, full moon, eclipse, blood moon and the deep desire to flee or hide or even jump off a bridge. Somehow the "normality" of it all strikes you when you stop for a minute and observe the routine I have so quickly slipped into once again.
The mind is constantly rearranging , making sense , finding ways to safely categorize everything but not this time. This time the filing system seems to be a little messy, not sure where things need to go, which need to be safely filed away , addressed or completely be deleted.
Dongzhimen bridge is too low - I will seriously damage a car and then have to fork out a vast amount of RMB on top of a hospital bill.
For those of you that don't know me , I do occasionally suffer from deep futility - from what is the point ? What am I doing , and why am Im doing it here.
If I could keep traveling I would, but I need respite , rest , a cupboard , a bed and a cat - what for others is their day to day  lives is for me a sweet moment in time where I can dream once more of leaving.

So two days confined to my laptop , an empty apartment ( one flat mate is in Italy , the other well who knows where Little Fish is lurking) and I'm barely breathing under the severity of the travel bug .
Sharp and starving there is nothing to feed him , no endless exploration online can even for a moment appease the hunger . Starving the bug to death is impossible - this will kill us both .
And in the moments of searching Japan, Mongolia for  few scraps to feed the bug I stumble across and ex - work mate here from China and read his blog - I know I am not alone.
Somehow even though so many I know live with this same way of looking at the world I still know we feel alone in our quest for meaning . Don't get me wrong - it is a curse as well as a blessing.
Happiness is long found - it's the stare out the train window in Vietnam , eating Pho Ba for the first time in the streets of Saigon , the sunrise at Angkor wat , the deep orange of monk robes against the grey stone , the morning solstice mist at Macchu Picchu , the hot volcanic sand of Santorini, the devotional air of Varanasi , the cobbles stoned streets of Prague , the sweet smell of heather and  rain in the Scottish highlands  - this is my happiness.
China , Beijing right now you need to feed this bug - keep it happy , keep it alive - till we both head off for new adventures.
But will I have to slow down , stop -  feed the bug one cuisine - plans to relocate to Peru feel right , to build a home -stop - but will it be enough ?






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